by Vanda Némedy

Well, so you’ve already heard the story about what happened to me. Who told it to you? The pigs? Or their very best friends, the rabbit family? I guess you already know how evil I am. How I wanted to ruin their house and eat them alive… I can imagine what they said to you. But if you want to hear the truth, you mustn’t believe these damned pigs and the other rodents and herbivores, but especially those stupid domestic animals like these pigs. They’re so narrow-minded and racist. They idolize their own lifestyle and thinking and ruin the reputation of all other animals who do not join their secret community. They adopted the worst qualities from human kind – their masters. They try to enslave labouring animals on the farms and countryside, while they are the laziest animals I’ve ever seen. They let all the others serve them with food, drinks, fruit, crops, and tools. They take everything from the others to redistribute them of course the way they get the most of it.

Yes, you heard well. They have a secret community. It’s like some sect, a religious and political group. They arrange their meetings under the earth in the hole of the moles. These are weird places you’ve never seen, I guess. I went there once too as a secret agent – as I am one. Those strange holes are enormous under the ground! No doubt they needed the area to collect all the herbivores too. Block of marbles and pillars and monumental frameworks with paintings and pictures all over the wall either showing piglets as holy angels, saints and kings, or representing carnivores and humans as bloodthirsty beasts.

Who I work for as an agent, you ask? Of course for the Union For Animal Welfare And Rights (the UFAR – these are the capitals). Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of it!

Anyway, the main point is that I got a mission from UFAR to capture the three main impostors – the pigs. We had learnt from reliable sources that they were planning an explosion in the centre of the forest and on a nearby farm.

I arrived to the suspicious territory where they’d already built their base. As stupid as they are, it was only made of thatch & straw. I summoned them to capitulate and let themselves be arrested. I promised them a fair trial and reduction if they confessed their plans and crimes. But then they started to threaten me with guns and poisoned arrows.

To show how much stronger I am – and of course not afraid of such ridiculous creatures – I blew their little house away. Unfortunately, they had motorbikes and managed to escape from the spot. We didn’t know where they were, so the mission was postponed for a while. Of course you won’t find any traces of their bikes as later they went back and carefully flattened the area…

But after a week they turned up again. They built a wooden house.. Almost the same story took place. I blew their stupid little house away. Only this time they escaped in an underground passage the mole had made for them.

It didn’t take much time for them to build their third base – which unfortunately still stands there as you could see. It is made of bricks. Somehow they had enough sense to have the house built by beavers and the genius of architects: the Owl. Although the Owl is too intelligent and did not join the sect, he is a damned money-hungry snob who does not care who he is working for.

Of course, I wouldn’t have managed to blow up that damned house. I hope you don’t believe that I tried to! I wanted to finish this story for once and tried to break in the door. I almost made it when these criminals spilled hot water on me. Can you imagine what kind of feeling it is if all of your fur is burned off by hot water? I received an injury that will guide me all trough my life! And the top of it all is that these little bastards are still free. They haven’t even been questioned by the police!

Because of my injuries I was dismissed from UFAR too. How will I ever live a normal life without work and even the ability to work?!

So who do you believe? The pigs or me?